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Hello. Rather than clutter your lovely house or apartment with more useless geegaws and trinkets, I am offering a very unique item for biddding: my appreciation. Unlike poorly-crafted Korean electronics or American watches, this intangible gift will last a lifetime. You will turn to it time and time again in your hour of need, and it will always be there. You will not even need to reach me personally to feel reassured, because you can hold my apprecation in your heart. At the close of this special auction, I will write a letter to the high bidder expressing my gratitude and appreciation to a degree commensurate with the winning bid amount. Please be advised that this is the highest quality appreciation, not a fake or a watered-down imitation. Thank you. Now I must return to my work.